There's no shame in loving to be naked :)

do guys think it’s okay to get naked pictures of other girls? I was looking through my boyfriend’s pictures I saw picture of a girl taking pictures of her breasts. I wouldn’t care if they were just like models or something…but it was sent from REAL girl. How would you react to this and vice versa to guys if they saw a pic of a naked guy in their girlfriend’s phone? I have not told him anything and have kept on acting like nothing because he hasn’t changed with me and hasn’t avoided me. He says that he’s lucky to have me as a girlfriend. He could talk to girls just like I can talk to guys but as friends I don’t mind that. He can go out with his boys and have a good time. I don’t nag or question and he always wants to know how I’m doing all the time. I feel that this is not respectful though. Wjat do you guys think? Please Help.

Are men just more lusty? Why do women think penis’ are gross?

The lights are dimmed, shades are down and your favorite scented candles are burning. The mood is just right to say hello to your monster but is masturbating to porn a good thing or not? To answer that question, yes and no. There is no such thing as good or bad but only consequences of your actions. Every consequence is either desirable or undesirable.Whether the consequences of masturbating are desirable or not depends greatly on your perspective and who you are. It’s not the action in itself that makes something bad but the person who is doing it.If the action (masturbating) in itself was inherently negative or positive everyone would have the same response to it. If getting off to porn was bad for you then EVERYONE would experience negative consequences when they did it but we know that is not always the case. Some have good consequences while others have horrible negative consequences.Most people enjoy labeling something as “bad” without ever thinking that they may play a role in their negative experience. Even worse is that they like to tell others that it’s a “bad” idea-”oh no, you shouldn’t do that!”Negative Consequences of Watching PornThe first negative consequence of watching porn can be a very detrimental one: pre-mature ejaculation. Nothing is worse than waiting so long to have sex and when you finally get an opportunity to get laid it’s over in a few seconds. You dread looking at the girl to confirm her disappointment in your performance.Growing up in a house with other people means that you need to break out some sneaky ninja skills when masturbating. You need to be quick, agile and most importantly not get caught. The fear of getting caught causes you to become speedster when it comes to giving yourself the low five. Get it done quickly before anyone discovers what you are doing or feel the shame of getting caught.Unfortunately this will cause you to cum quickly when you trade in the computer screen for the real thing. Our bodies are good at learning and remembering things. Through muscle memory we learn skills and abilities that surpass conscious thinking. Without body memory no one would be able to play an instrument or drive a car because we would be thinking too much about every little action.Cumming too quickly is the result of training your body to remember to do so. Over many quick sessions your body develops a stimulus response to seeing a naked woman. Your body knows that when you get sexually excited it’s time to have an orgasm.Your body will respond the way you train it to. If, for example, you masturbate very quickly your body will respond by cuming quickly as well. On the other hand if you take your time your body will be trained to wait a long period of time before reaching climax.The mind doesn’t have the ability to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. If you dream it your mind believes it. Whenever you fantasize about sleeping with the girl whose thong was hanging out the entire class you mind believes that to be real. Since you came very quickly in the fantasy your mind will send messages to the body to cum quickly when you run into the same situation in real life.On top of that your mind likes to generalize and lump everything into one nice, neat category. It doesn’t see unique and special tits, it lumps them all into one category. When you train your mind and body to cum quickly to one naked woman it will transfer that programing over to any other women you see.Guilt, Shame and Maddona/Whore ComplexAlmost everyone has been brought up on the idea that sex and masturbating is something to be ashamed of. Through society, parents and religion we have been taught to hide our sexual nature instead of embracing it. The biggest tactic of getting people to hide their sexuality is through guilt and shame. The more guilt you have the less likely you will to engage in fun sexual acts.This guilt and shame is triggered (mostly unconsciously) every time you masturbate. You enjoy it in the moment but shortly after the negative emotions start to come to the surface. You feel guilty or shameful every time you “sin” which leads to lower self confidence.Porn also leads to deepen your Madonna/Whore complex. The programing that you received from church, society and parents helps you to see women in two different ways: the Madonna and the whore. The Madonna is the good girl that you marry and the whore is someone you use for sex.Porn will give you an unrealistic view of sex and love. As much as you logically know that porn isn’t really how sex is your mind will start to see it that way. You will see women as a masturbation tool and sex as a jack hammer exhibition.Masturbating will trigger your guilt and shame which will bring up your Madonna/ whore complex issues. Any woman that is sexual and enjoys sex will be seen as a whore through eyes because of your addiction to porn. If you do sleep with a woman you will judge her and yourself for it-no matter what you do you just can’t win.Distract YourselfPeople have many different ways of distracting themselves when they are stressed out or slightly depressed. When I get into that state I like to do absolutely nothing and just relax. Some like to exercise or drink and some like to get off to Internet porn.There is nothing wrong with taking a break from life from time to time. It will help you to refocus your mind and build your energy back up to handle the difficult task at hand. Taking a break becomes a problem when you use it to completely ignore and distract yourself from what needs to be done.Unfortunately another con of masturbating is that it is used to distract yourself from life’s problem. There is a thin line from taking a break and turning your back to your issues. Far too often people cross that line and become addicted to their distraction of choice.Whacking it to porn is a very large distraction for men who are lacking in skills with women. Instead of taking on this challenge head first they resign to a life of distraction in their fantasy world-”out of mind and into porn.”The problem is that NO matter how hard you try you can never run from your issues. Once you are aware of them there is no going back to blissful ignorance. You can go full force into hiding from them in your porn addiction but they will find you.A Quick Note before we get to the PositivesI never really bought into the idea that releasing male fluids will drain your life energy. I think it’s complete bullshit that having sex or masturbating, life’s greatest pleasures, will leave you feeling drained.To me, it seems like the notion that cumming will take away a man’s energy stems from the Church’s belief that masturbating and having sex is a “sin.” It’s essentially the same type of ‘this is bad for you’ programming that the Church is perpetuating.On a genetic level our goal as individuals is to perpetuate the species through sex. We want to live long enough to pass on our seed to as many people as possible. With that said, it seems wrong to believe that our basic design is flawed and our instincts got it wrong.We are born to fuck and enjoy sex. We feel drained at times after sex not because we are losing our ‘male energies’ but because we aren’t in great shape. If you worked out and ate right you wouldn’t feel any energy lose.It turns out that sex is life affirming. Not having sex will cause you to become very anxious and unbalanced. “that guy needs to get laid” is said for a reason. His neurotic behavior can be balanced out by enjoying the basic of needs.If you have bought into this new age spiritual bullshit that cumming is a bad thing get that out of your head right now. Some of you who can attest to this belief are experiencing a placebo effect. The body reacts to your minds beliefs. If you believe you will feel drained after you cum your body will act in accordance.Positive Consequences of Watching PornThat was a long list of negatives but there is some good that can come from watching porn. For starters, it feels damn good. It allows you to release some of the pent up tension and anxiety that rage through your body.Standards are extremely important when it comes to mastering women. If you give it away for free no one will want it because has little value. Developing standards can be quite difficult if you have been a ‘I’ll take what I can get’ type of guy. Porn can be an easy first step to integrating a higher set of standards.Most men will jerk off to just about anything. Swim suit models, porn stars, naked women in national geographic magazines, it’s all the same to them. If the guy is remotely attracted to the erotic image he will get off.Start by identifying what type of women really turn you on and stick to it. What do you like? Is it blonds, short girls, tall ones, punk, goth, black, white? Me personally, I like the type of women that you see on suicide girls. The typical blond bimbo you see gracing the cover of playboy does very little for me.From there you can start to develop an appreciation for beauty vs. ‘oh my god, she’s so fucking hot.’ When you find a girl that really does it for you take time to appreciate her beauty. Don’t focus solely on her tits and ass. Enjoy her entire body and learn to appreciate how beautiful women really are.Greater AwarenessI mentioned before that masturbating can bring up a lot of unresolved issues to the surface. Consciously masturbating and being aware when they do come up will allow you to transcend them. Without being able to spot your problems you won’t be able to change.Once you can see and feel your issues the next step is to let them go. Here’s a little exercise that can help you out:**note: this exercise may sound a little airy fairy but give it a try and you’ll see why I recommend it***Lay down on your bed or in a chair with your spine straight and place your hands on the middle of your chest. Breathe deeply and close your eyes. Imagine yourself sitting in a peaceful and serene environment. You are sitting down in front of a river in a wooded area.Breathe deeply as you think of what is holding you back. If your issue is ’sex is a sin’ reach up into your solar plexus (above your stomach, below your rib cage) with white hands and take hold of those words.Take the words ’sex is a sin’ and bring it all the way up your spine and out the top of your head. Imagine placing the issue into the bright, white running river. Watch as that issue floats along the white river and disappears.Repeat this exercise over and over until you have removed your issue. This exercise can be preformed on any belief, thought or emotion that is less than healthy.Increased Sexual EnergyDo the following exercise lying down flat or in a chair with your spine straight as it can be.Start by breathing very very deeply and very slowly through your nose and into the lower part of your belly. Breathe deep enough to the point where you feel it in your PC muscle (area between your genitals and your ass). Then slowly breathe out of your nose releasing the air.Once you have that down, imagine white light coming into your nose from the outside, down your front and into your genitals and a little bit into your legs. Once your belly is full with air slowly breathe out imagining the white light coming up your spin, all the way to the top of your head and out. Then bring the white light down into your belly and up again.This exercise should be done throughout the day but especially during sex. It will help increase your sexual energy as well as your orgasms.Last Longer In the SackFast pace masturbating can cause premature ejaculation. Watching porn while you take your time and breathe deeply will allow you to last longer. You will see exciting images and not blow your load.For exercises to help you last longer sign up for the Inner Game Reframe Newsletter on the right and you will receive a free copy of my ebook-How to Lead Her Sexually. The ebook is full of exercises and insights to help you become a better lover.

Women rule supreme as they hold the planet’s two trump cards.

Women hold the key which locks and unlocks men at will. Women hold the key to the world’s promiscuity and crime. Are women to blame? Or are men just weaklings?

The greatest of all competitive commodities, sex and money are controlled by women.

Women hold the purse strings and control your sex life. You say not? What do you think might happen if the men decide where and how to spend the money and where to have sex?

Eighty percent or more of the entire jail population are inside because of these two women dominated commodities sex and money. Women rule both, they hold the key.

If women ruled our planet would these commodities be shared more equitably?

Don’t call for my castration please; I am merely focussing opinion at that which is generally acknowledged amongst society at large, and I dare say if it is not, let’s wake up. Having admitted my alegiance to this thought, how can I possibly love women?

Are women truly from Venus?

Here are some general facts (or opinions) about women. Many men will deny their agreement in public; but in their inner bosom there is no denial. After all the fact are there for all to see.

• Gentlemen prefer blondes

• Brunettes start blonde jokes to discredit blonds, because gentlemen prefer blondes.

• Women travel 10km to save $0.50 on a product on special, but it costs $5.00 in gasoline to get there.

• Women will buy something not because they need it, but because it is a bargain.

• Women suffragettes burnt their bra because they wanted to be like men.

• Women believe that the world would be a better place if they were the rulers of this planet. (I think they should be given the opportunity , men have cocked it up good and proper, can’t get any worse.)

• Make love not war is a better motto than kill for oil.

• Women control about 80% of the spending power of a household, if not more. Thus they control the bulk of the general publics’ spend.

• Women to a large extent wear slacks, jeans and the like. Are they aiming to proof a point? (like who wears the pants) I’m sure there will be lots of denials. Generally men prefer the minni-skirt.

• Women dress sexily to show off their bodies, when men take notice they get reported for sexual harassment.

• Woman was the original temptress of the world, (remember the apple?) Nothing has changed today. Men get tempted and condemned for it.

• Women allow their husbands to be the men of the house as long as it is with their approval, and preferably not to frequently.

• Women spend what men work for. (Ooops, that’s a little controversial)

• Women control the greatest crime causes in the world, money and sex.

If a census were to be taken at the country’s jails I have no doubt that 80% or more of the inmates’ crimes were related to one of the two. Women-sex, or money, or possibly both of the above factors.

A weapon, which is often used by women in defence of being called the weaker sex, is the observation that Our Lord first created men and than noticed some serious flaws, so to perfect his creation He made women. You know, I think some women truly believe this.

There are no doubt many more general observations about women one could make, but this suffices, I have made the point, which demonstrates the general consensus amongst men when they talk away from women ears.

Most men will quietly admit to most of the women fads as enumerated. I wonder how many men will have the guts to write and agree with me. I’ve given the address at the foot of the article. Come on, don’t leave me in this alone, all men and women have opinions on this subject.

No wonder some great author said that women are aliens from Venus.

The other side of the coin

• Women must often have double the qualification for the same job as men and then they still get paid less because they are female. Is this just? Are they short of some sort of inherent ability although they have more academic qualifications? Or are men hell bent on keeping them bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen?

• Women are more loyal employees than men.

• Women can multi task better then men.

• Women are great to hand the screaming baby to.

• Women are more loyal than men.

• Women cope better with a crisis than men.

There is an under current amongst women, complaining that nowadays men have the headaches, what happened? I’ll tell you.

Men are now 50% housewife now that women are in full time employ. Women please take note now that you are in full day employ and expect the husbands to do 50% of the motherly duties, nothing against that, but please, we must change nappies and get up at 2 am to warm the babies bottle etc., Why should we not be entitled to the occasional head ache. In fact, the whole system is upside down, look at your teenage daughter, at the age of 14 or 15 they are chasing boys. Should not the men be the hunter? I think so. Look at nature the way God created it. Males are the pursuers, but note, only successful if the women gives permission. Women are in control.

What happened to the “Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen” type of women? What has changed? I’ll tell you what has changed, greed, we all want bigger homes, better cars etc. It’s the Keeping up with the Joneses that is the problem, so the wives have had to become more economically active. I’m not saying I liked women better when barefoot etc, no, I’m asking a question, who has the answer?

Men, your world is changing Women are taking over. In fact they will more than likely shortly rule America. Who cares? They can not do any worse than men. Or can they? Is Venus in the same state of chaos as planet earth?

Here is some tangible proof that women are widely recognised as the temptresses of the world as ever they were. If women are not, why does a manufacturer of great Italian vehicles have to have a scantily clothed, sexy women present at their exhibit at the Earls Court Motor Show, right on the beautiful rotating platform? Because women are a star attraction, it thus brings the men, and on the off chance they may even notice the car. Women, remain ever the temptress, and this fact is well exploited by the emperors of commerce. She tempts men, she draws them closer to come and look. (At what?)

I’ve said enough, or just about. Men, do you know that the greatest slice of internet money is taken home by women? (I will have to get my wife operative at this). I wonder why, if in commerce they are remunerated at a lesser level for similar professions? It appears that they are taking over; after all, the internet is the world’s largest market place. It is the only place I know where you often do not know with whom you are transacting. Does this indicate that women are discriminated against when because of the misnomer, “weaker sex?”

Internet seems the only real equitable place we do not know or determine if the GURU is a woman, if the women are, they earn the same and more than the male, could the reason be that here gender is obscured? Shoo, makes you think, doesn’t it?

The power of temptation has belonged to the women since the Garden of Eden. Today the world still upholds women as the ultimate temptress hence the nudity in advertising. It is held that a half naked feminine torso if shaped according to the fads of the male world will attract attention, and it does. Some of the most obscure products use women in their advertising to get their product noticed. You see, women are good for everything. Are men just as versatile?

For men danger of being swamped by women lurks around every corner, or is it perhaps good fortune lurking? I can name a few women who were colossus in this world during my time, like British Maggie or Jewish Golda. I am not very fond of the worlds idle parasites who ride the tjooka tjooka train of wealth like the Dutch queen and the British queen etc. Cost me taxes for no return.

Are we men about to be relieved of all the responsibilities of this planet? Women are very capable of earning big money. If women as a species suddenly realise their potential they will then rule, the purse and the bedroom. Thing are looking bleak for the strongest sex, what is left for us?

Men, I ask, do we still have a roll to play? Women no longer need us, sex is also pleasurably achievable without the male around, in fact many claims of greater erotic pleasure are contributed to mechanical bedroom equipment. Are we the stronger sex? May be physically, but mentally? We are lorded over by women in all the important facets of life, certainly the two deemed most important. Women rule supreme. I say thank heaven they do not seem to have cottoned on to this fact as yet, or is coertion already exerting women dominance to allow men favours? However, it is a fact of life; sex and money are the woman’s domain.

Now then if this be so should they not shoulder the blame for modern society’s promiscuity and money greed, for both of which society steal murder and plunder. Does it mean that men have been weaklings since Eve tempted Adam?

Are women running our lives or are women running out of control?

I’d like a few opinions, I sure as hell don’t know where I am on or off with this women issue. Do we respect the species which clearly hold the key to our survival? Do we stand by and let women rule the world? Come on, let me have some input; don’t let the world believe that only the author thinks like this.I have left a facility for sharing your view at the foot of the page

I look forward to a few answers, hopefully dispersed by some good humour. No antagonism please, women live on this planet also, not only Venus. Venus is apparently full up. We are not looking to make war with women; I’d rather make love with women.

Here are a few internet facts on women.

Keyword search on Women, Guess what was tops? Naked women 35000 hits a day Keyword search on Men, Guess what was tops here? It was naked men, but significantly less in number at 12000 per day.

Next I typed in Women Money I got 178 daily searches on this Then I typed in Men Money and got 15 daily searches. An interesting bit of information is the keyword phrase Women Wrestle Men for Money, 165000 pages,

Check it on google.

So 3 question remain unanswered

• Will this be a better world if the women rule?

• Are women who definitely rule money and sex responsible for the worlds promiscuity and crime?

• Would the jails be only quarter as full if the two most powerful urges of human kind were equally shared emotionally?

I would like to hear from those of you who have been to the proverbial woman’s haven Venus. Is better place than planet earth because it is held that women rule there?

Leave a little note on my specially provided space get the info in my bio.

Hans Monsma

I have no idea how it started or who launched it. Nevertheless
years after all of the women in my family died (they were the
initiators of all of our major family events and thingamajigs.
After the demise of these women our family unit was left largely
comprised of men). In recent years, I started paying attention
to remarks that I’d heard growing up and today continually hear
from other family members about how our family is considerably
dissimilar or substantially distant from each other and how we
were markedly contrasted from that of other families. As a young
adult, I sold into that inconsistency and I eventually started
to believe it. Now, from top to bottom I fervently want to know
how this mis-perception spawned. I had to see for myself if this
“assumption” holds water.

For years, we never even batted an eye when someone described
our clan as being “distantly different” or because we were just
“living our own lives” and rarely visited or even spoke to one
another on more of a consistent basis. (Some live in different
cities within Chicago or have moved from Illinois altogether).
That action or lack thereof was justified by some with the
remark of “well you know how we are”. Only recently have I begun
to exasperatingly resent whenever I heard that comment.

As I frequently do when a believable answer is not plausible
enough to curb my ever-voracious appetite for the curious, I
allow my mind to journey into an objective mode. Consequently, I
intellectually remove myself from my customary “family
character” sanctioning a view of my kinfolk with an unprejudiced
angle.

I am returning from a trip to Windy City Chicago where I grew
up. During my visit with my family, my eyes were opened to a
host of existing modifications although some were new ones to
me. I say with resounding pride, the changes that I witnessed
were heart-rending.

First and foremost, two of my cousins have recently married
amazing women who support and love them very much.

It seemed only yesterday when my sister, cousins and I were the
ones running around during family get-togethers. We were the
cores of attention and all of our uncles, aunts and senior
cousins were doting on US. Here and now WE are the ones who have
traded places with those elders (some have passed on while
others are well into retirement years and/or in ill health), and
now WE dote on OUR offspring and grandchildren. This new-fangled
exchange of ranks swiftly required me to come to grips with my
own mortality. These scenarios were continually restated inside
my psyche and I was once more reminded that time waits for no
one.

My only niece (the ravishing beaut that she is, used to stick to
me like glue back in the day and always wanted to follow me
EVERYWHERE) now has a bubbly daughter of her own! I am still
coming to grips with THAT one because it seemed to have happened
over night.

It’s reflective to see my cousin (who can be described as eye
candy and is as fine as the Denzel Washington’s and the Shamaar
Moore’s all skillfully wrapped in one crisp package, and has
deep dimples just like my sister), who is the Editor of his OWN
newspaper. He sat and interfaced with our relatives and
articulately discussed in meticulous terms “grown folk” talk
with the best of em. (I’m sure he will love reading that I used
to change his diapers!).

When I gaze into the faces of my niece and this particular
cousin, I still envision them as they were in babyhood. Inasmuch
as I try not to view them in that manner, I am helpless. It’s as
though I’m lovingly gazing into the faces of my very own son and
daughter when I first brought them home from the hospital.

Another cousin is writing a book (no I am NOT the only writer in
my family by a long shot!!). He and I were as thick as thieves
when we were teens and we were always getting into mischief.
Although when we were caught, he was the one who was able to
maintain a straight face (same holds true today) hence, since I
did not have as much restraint as he, I’d always burst into
tearstained laughter and ultimately end up taking the fall for
our blunders.

He and I enjoyed a heartfelt tear-jerking laugh about an OLD,
OLD joke. The familiar vibe that we shared as teenagers still
remained as comfortable and familiar as an old pair of socks. I
finally had the opportunity to finally meet his wife along with
his three sons. He has a family to be proud of. He has done well
for himself and I am proud of him.

Yet another cousin has his own sound production company. He does
the “sound” at concerts of popular recording artists and a lot
of his clientele are the ones that we see and hear on videos and
radio. I had the opportunity to sit and talk at length with his
daughter (who is named after one of my favorite aunts who passed
away a long time ago). She is furthering her education and is on
her way to success. I beam with pride when I hear the strides
that the young people in my family are making.

Because of the geographical distance that I created in my life
the family-tie, as I knew it back then will never be the same
with my cousins and my niece. People grow up, procreate and
begin to build a life interdependent of the lives that they
experienced with their immediate family. But aren’t these types
of transitions supposed to happen? Due to the “modernity” in and
of my family tree, I have accepted this latest trend along with
the new position that it puts me in realizing it’s not worse,
nor better, it’s just different. Hey it is what it is and life
goes on.

A few of the aged and pre-existing changes were not immediately
recognizable from the naked eye. Maybe it was because they
weren’t CHANGES at all, but had always been an actuality amongst
our family. All anyone needed to do to see it clearly was to
take a visually detailed gander and there it was in full view.
The reality of what I saw pertaining to my family as a whole is
that the women as well as the men have ALWAYS maintained steady
employment. I’m not talking about 5 years here, 3 years there.
I’m talking employment of the fixed kind. You know the types.
The ones who have been at the very SAME job for 30 plus years.
THOSE FOLK. I know you have a few of those in your family too.
Most families do. These people have spent protracted years at
one job. Today they have retired from their places of employment
and are living the remainder of their lives in harmony and
repose. This is what people naturally do after no longer being
able to do what they’ve been accustomed to doing for a great
portion of their lives. Others have left one job and taken on
another. God Bless em. When I retire from one job that’s it for
me!!!!!! Everyday I am trying to ensure that my retirement will
be just that. RETIREMENT!

With that said, I fail to see how my family “differs”. Where is
the true dysfunction? I say “true” because all families exhibit
some sort of idiosyncratic behavior within itself. Each family
has lapses of time that they go without seeing or speaking,
especially if distance is a factor. Each family has members that
they don’t like or don’t like as much. There are always gonna be
quirks, behavior or personality differences or traits amongst
relatives that agitate some. The fact of the matter is that we
will never like all of our relatives. There will always be one,
two or maybe a handful of our kin that irks the heck out of us
no matter what they do or don’t do. I am sure that I drive
others to the brink of combustion with the idiosyncrasies that
I’ve had all of my life!! Those are just the factual realities
of having family. Nevertheless we indulge or ignore them and
make no material issue of it. We tolerate these differences or
minor annoyances because we ARE family and we are all tied. The
importance of the closeness that we all share should outweigh
the insignificant irritants. The end result is the difference
between what matters most and what matters much.

The most dominant virtues that really caught my attention were
that none of us are drug abusers. None of us have been in jail,
or have criminal records. None of the men or women were
physically abusive to or abused by their significant other. Not
one of my family members even smokes cigarettes, not ONE!!! In a
distressed world such as we live in today, the former
characteristics are momentous and say an awful lot about a
person, more importantly an entire family. Are we unusually
different because we live our lives as productive members of
society? Beats me.

I’ll admit that we were all guilty of being distant for a while.
When most of the women started dropping like dead flies no one
knew how to behave as “family” anymore I surmise. For years we
remained in devastation. We are guilty of that. So sue us.

Sentence us if you will because for years every woman (who was
the glue that normally kept the reunion that is coupled with
FAMILY in tact) got sick and eventually died a slow, painful
death from cancer of some sort. Therefore, leaving the men to do
what those women who passed on did best. The men that were left
had no interest whatsoever in calling relatives to plan a
thanksgiving dinner, a birthday party or a weekend hob knob.
They didn’t have to. They simply moseyed on over to a
girlfriends house, or a neighbors house or your local diner and
grabbed a meal. What I’m trying to say is, it was the women, at
least in my family back in the day, that orchestrated
EVERYTHING. With them no longer amongst us, the men were at a
loss.

The points of view to remember here are the relatives that I
have are family members of mine. I claim them with all of their
eccentricities, peculiarities, quirks, foibles and
unconventional behaviors. We all have them and no one is
perfect. We are all woven from the same threads of cloth. They
are part of who I am today. They are the blood that travels
inconspicuously throughout my veins that thrusts life into me.
They are my roots and my end and my beginning. They are my
sounding board and my cushion.

I had to travel back to Windy City Chicago and I thought I was
going back to visit an ill uncle and to establish some semblance
of a re-connect with those that distance and time pulled me from
and I’m glad that I did travel back.

I realize that I have a family that anyone in their right mind
would be fortunate to admit and recognize as being their family.
I have people that are part of me who are editors, musicians,
soundmen and writers. Correct me if I am wrong but aren’t these
the some of the same job titles that we see when credits are
being rolled at the end of a movie? Aren’t these some of the
positions that most rattle their brain spending countless hours
studying to become while attending Ivy League Schools across the
United States? And here I am lucky enough to have members of
such within MY very own family. Sure we might not see or speak
to each other every day. But I guarantee you if I needed them I
mean REALLY needed them, they would be there for me in a
heartbeat. I can say that now but TRUST ME I didn’t always feel
this way.

When I was married I naively believed that I no longer needed my
biological family. (I was harboring resentment for my mom
because she told me when I was a young girl that my biological
dad was dead. A lot of my family knew the truth and since no one
told me any different I was angry with everyone when I found out
the real deal behind this “daddy business”. Years later, and
with profound heartache and disappointment, I found out not only
was my dad alive but within the last ten years, he was released
from prison for murdering the husband of a woman that he was
seeing when he was supposedly dating my mom. My mom didn’t want
us to associate with him and that is why she told us that he was
dead. I have to admit this was the one time that I was sorry
that I was always so inquisitive. To this day, I do not even
know my father’s name nor do I want to. Luckily, my mom and dad
never married so I can thankfully say that he is not part of my
wonderful family unit). I had buried my ” natural family” in my
hurt and tears. Hadn’t I experienced enough hurt and pain in my
OWN life? I thought.

I blamed my entire family for a bad judgment call on the part of
my mother. They all thought that I knew my dad was alive, at
least. Imagine MY devastation when THAT news was laid on me!!
Whew!!!!!!!!! But true to form, eventually I bounced back. Lots
of families are full of drama but mine was full of death and
trauma. No wonder we were taken aback. It took years for us to
recover after loosing so many women so quickly. We needed a
minute to regroup, refocus and invent another game plan wouldn’t
you say? What family wouldn’t?? But we all managed to survive. I
come from an entire generation of survivors.

My wake-up call came when I divorced and the family that I
thought would always be there for me ultimately was not.
Eventually I was slowly ostracized from them. After that
happened I didn’t feel as though I belonged to “anyone” or
“anywhere”. I didn’t feel I belonged to a “family” unit.

If you’re married and you think the family that you married into
will be there for you, get a divorce. On second thought go for
the gusto and just get separated. There is no other way to
remind one that blood although often doubted, is ALWAYS thicker
than water. I encourage you to e-mail me and let me know the end
result if you so desire.

Point being is I was drawn back to the very same biological
family that I tried unsuccessfully to deny and ignore. It just
goes to show you that we are always drawn back to our roots for
something. It is an inevitability that we cannot deny. I know I
could not and no longer want to deny mine. Thank God there is a
lesson to learn every day. Where would I be without MY family???

Today, this writer doesn’t care how it started or who launched
it. It doesn’t matter how “dysfunctionally dissimilar” people
think we are, be it a relative or someone on the outside. We are
all part of the same gene and love one another. Maybe we have a
quiet way of showing it. Maybe we don’t exhibit our love in
terms of how society dictates that we should. But the bottom
line is we are all linked as one no matter how much some fight
it, hide it, run away from it, disown it, cover it up, ignore it
or deny it. WE ARE FAMILY. As far as I’m concerned, my family is
a great-big-deal. My family is the one bind that I don’t mind
being tied to for these are MY TIES that BIND.

© 2005 by C. V. Harris. All rights reserved

Note: Only for people who already watched the movie!Powerful movie which absorbs life as a tragedy. In a reflection on life the movie is about getting old, getting tired of the world. The Coan’s brothers, found a very good script and hammered a great film which is very slowly paced.The movie jumps off between 3 characters, which are the same. They are too clever, too crazy, too much into what they are doing. It seems like circumstances in their own life brought them into the situation they are in, in the 122 minutes of the art work.Josh Brolin’s character sees the opportunity to be rich and acts, even thou he knows that it’s not going to end up well. Brolin may be a very smart guy, but although he has splendid opportunities he always misses. The first time we see Josh he takes a shot at a dear. Any dear hunter would have killed that damn animal, but Josh is off target. The entire movie, Josh has perfect options to be rich and to escape, but he is somehow jammed inside his loser box and losses everything in the end.Tommy Lee’s life is simple. He is a cop, the best ever in his county. And he hates it! He resent knowing everything. He wants to run away But knows he can’t. The final scene, with his wife, shows us, that he must stay a cop, he can’t adopt to his pension life, just can’t, no way. Like his father he better die in the line of duty. We as audience should wish that he end his miserable life, but, Havier for a reason decides to spare his life, like he spared the life of the gas guy. It seems like Havier mercies that ones that shouldn’t, and splash the ones who wish to keep on living.Havier’s character is good at one thing, killing. He has no emotion, has nothing to live for beside his idealistic thoughts. He defends his idealism like it’s the only thing keeping him to continue his life and it actually does. It’s easy as an audience to love his character, because he is like the other two, too smart. His idealistic ways, are too powerful to strong. He has no pain only idealism.PhilosophyCan Idealism kill?Of course, but only if it’s good – according to the Coen’s bro. Brolin went back to give water and that is why he died. Tommy Lee, wanted to find out about the money and almost died. Havier was close to die because he seek for the money and in the end where face Brolin’s wife, it was useless but he was driven be his Idealism. He actually almost found his death, in a car crash, after that scene with the wife.Philosophy of goodIn the middle of the last century a question was rased by philosophers. Not the question of “what action is good?” but “What is the meaning of action is good?”. In our movie, we have one important act of kindness (as we as a audience and society absorb it), when Josh Brolin goes to give water to the dying Mexican. We know it is an act of good because we immediately fall in love with Josh Brolin’s characters for doing it. We hope that Josh will end up with the money. But we have seen movie’s before and know that this action that has no meaning, will end up with huge tragedy.And in a philosophical sense, does his action is act of kindness and good? We and him know, that the Mexican is already dead! Even he says, “I am going to do something really stupid”. In a way he wants to get catch, but that’s another psychological story. So basically Josh didn’t do anything kind or good. Along the movie he makes bad decisions and he isn’t doing good. Because of him so many characters die including his wife.Josh did good alright, but only egoistic good (at least wanted to). In some crazy way, Havier’s character are doing good actions. The scene in the gas station is the main act of kindness. He absorbs the wretched life of the cashier and offers him a way out. He shows some mercy with giving him a fifty to fifty chance, to keep living his forlorn life or die.

Violence Against Women: Issue Of Honor Killing

Definition Honor crimes are acts of violence, usually murder, mostly committed by male family members predominantly against female [relatives] , who are perceived to have brought dishonor upon the family. A woman can be targeted by individuals within her family for a variety of reasons, including: refusing to enter into an arranged marriage, being the victim of a sexual assault, seeking a divorce — even from an abusive husband, or (allegedly) committing adultery .The mere perception that a woman has behaved in a specific way to “dishonor” her family, is sufficient to trigger an attack.[1]

For example, honor killings can sometimes target those who choose boyfriends, lovers or spouses outside of their family’s ethnic and/or religious community. Some women who adopt the customs (or religion) of an outside group, may also be more likely to be victims. Furthermore, in certain cultures a raped single woman will garner no bride price if she marries, and thus be considered “worthless” to the family. There is some evidence that homosexuality can also be grounds for honor killing by relatives. Several cases have been suspected but not confirmed. There is also a documented case of a gay Jordanian man who was shot (but not fatally) by his brother.

Many hold the practice to be self-contradictory, since an honor killing is sometimes justified by its participants or supporters, as an attempt to uphold the morals of a religion or a code, which at the same time generally forbids killing as morally wrong.

Honor Suicides

Honor Suicides occur when, in an effort to avoid legal penalties for killing, a woman is ordered or pressured into killing herself. This phenomenon appears to be a relatively recent development. A special envoy for the United Nations named Yakin Erturk, who was sent to Turkey to investigate suspicious suicides, was quoted by the New York Times as saying that some suicides appeared to be “honor killings disguised as a suicide or an accident.”

History: Honour Killing

Based on proof

In the Valley of Mexico from 150 BCE – 1521 CE, the punishment for female adultery was death by stoning or strangulation, but only after the husband could prove the offence. According to interpretations of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the Halakha (Jewish law) punishes certain sexual misconduct for both men and women, with capital punishment (also through stoning) as approved by a court.

Honor killings, generally considered premeditated, are typically held to be distinct from Crimes of passion, which occur throughout the world. Crimes of passion often have special status under the law. For instance, until 1975, the French Penal Code commuted the sentence of a husband who killed his wife after finding her in the act of committing adultery; this law passed into the legal frameworks of the many nations who based their modern legal codes on the Napoleonic Code. Thus, Crimes of passion are different from honor killings, in the sense that they are spontaneous acts that aren’t planned. Furthermore, many honor killings (along with some Crimes of passion) are based on sheer suspicion as opposed to (what appears to be) factual proof, in relation to the idea that an individual has committed or been involved in an “undesirable act”, in the mind of the perpetrator(s).

Honor killing in national legal codes

According to the report of the Special Rapporteur submitted to the 58th session of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights (2002) concerning cultural practices in the family that reflect violence against women:

The Special Rapporteur indicated that there had been contradictory decisions with regard to the honor defence in Brazil, and that legislative provisions allowing for partial or complete defence in that context could be found in the penal codes of Argentina, Bangladesh, Ecuador, Egypt, Guatemala, Iran, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Peru, Syria, Turkey, Venezuela and the Palestinian National Authority.

Some of these, including those of Turkey, have since been modified.

Countries where the law can be interpreted to allow men to kill female relatives in a premeditated effort as well as for crimes of passions, in flagrante delicto in the act of committing adultery, include:

Jordan: Part of article 340 of the Penal Code states that “he who discovers his wife or one of his female relatives committing adultery and kills, wounds, or injures one of them, is exempted from any penalty.” This has twice been put forward for cancellation by the government, but was retained by the Lower House of the Parliament.

Countries that allow men to kill female relatives in flagrante delicto (but without premeditation) include:

Syria: Article 548 states that “He who catches his wife or one of his ascendants, descendants or sister committing adultery (flagrante delicto) or illegitimate sexual acts with another and he killed or injured one or both of them benefits from an exemption of penalty.”

Countries that allow husbands to kill only their wives in flagrante delicto (based upon the Napoleonic code) include:

Morocco: Article 418 of the Penal Code states “Murder, injury and beating are excusable if they are committed by a husband on his wife as well as the accomplice at the moment in which he surprises them in the act of adultery.”

Haiti: Article 269 of the Penal Code states that “in the case of adultery as provided for in Article 284, the murder by a husband of his wife and/or her partner, immediately upon discovering them in flagrante delicto in the conjugal abode, is to be pardoned.”

Turkey: Recently Turkey changed its laws concerning honor killings. Persons found guilty of this crime are sentenced to life in prison.

In two Latin American countries: Similar laws were struck down over the past two decades: according to human rights lawyer Julie Mertus “in Brazil, until 1991 wife killings were considered to be noncriminal ‘honor killings’; in just one year, nearly eight hundred husbands killed their wives. Similarly, in Colombia, until 1980, a husband legally could kill his wife for committing adultery.”

Countries where honor killing is not legal but is frequently ignored in practice include:

Pakistan: Honor killings are known as Karo Kari (Urdu: ˜ÇÑæ˜ÇÑ? ). The practice is supposed to be prosecuted under ordinary murder, but in practice police and prosecutors often ignore it. Often a man must simply claim the killing was for his honor and he will go free. Nilofer Bakhtiar, advisor to Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, stated that in 2003, as many as 1, 261 women were murdered in honor killings. On December 08, 2004, under international and domestic pressure, Pakistan enacted a law that made honor killings punishable by a prison term of seven years, or by the death penalty in the most extreme cases. Women’s rights organizations were, however, wary of this law as it stops short of outlawing the practice of allowing killers to buy their freedom by paying compensation to the victim’s relatives. Women’s rights groups claimed that in most cases it is the victim’s immediate relatives who are the killers, so inherently the new law is just eyewash. It did not alter the provisions whereby the accused could negotiate pardon with the victim’s family under the so-called Islamic provisions. In March 2005 the Pakistani government allied with Islamists to reject a bill which sought to strengthen the law against the practice of “honour killing”. The parliament rejected the bill by a majority vote, declaring it to be un-Islamic.

Incident in Pakistan:- Ghazala was set on fire by her brother in Joharabad, Punjab province, on 6 January 1999. According to reports, she was murdered because her family suspected she was having an ‘illicit’ relationship with a neighbour. Her burned and naked body reportedly lay unattended on the street for two hours as nobody wanted to have anything to do with it. Ghazala was burned to death in the name of honor. Hundreds of other women and girls suffer a similar fate every year amid general public support and little or no action by the authorities. In fact, there is every sign that the number of honor killings is on the rise as the perception of what constitutes honor — and what damages it — widens, and as more murders take on the guise of honor killings on the correct assumption that they are rarely punished.

Indian Scenario

“Honor-killings”, which are widespread in some of the economically advanced States, is an example. Perpetrated under the garb of saving the “honor” of the community, caste or family, such incidents occur often as the State governments are not keen to take action. The acts of violence include public lynching of couples, murder of either the man or the woman concerned, murder made to appear as suicide, public beatings, humiliation, blackening of the face, forcing couples or their families to eat excreta or drink urine, forced incarceration, social boycotts and the levying of fines.

The largest number of cases was found to have occurred in Punjab, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh – most of the incidents reported at the convention took place in these three States. One reason for the increased visibility of such crimes is the trend of more and more girls joining educational institutions, meeting others from different backgrounds and castes and establishing relationships beyond the confines of caste and community. Such individuals, both boys and girls, are being targeted so that none dares to breach the barriers of castes and communities. Significantly, in the majority of cases it is the economically and socially dominant castes that organize, instigate and abet such acts of retribution.

In Muzaffarnagar district in western Uttar Pradesh, at least 13 honor killings occurred within nine months in 2003. In 2002, while 10 such killings were reported, 35 couples were declared missing. It was estimates that Haryana and Punjab alone account for 10 per cent of all honor killings in the country. It is not surprising that no such category of crime exists in government records. In fact, there is refusal even to recognise this phenomenon. Data for such incidents are seldom available and they would mostly be classified under the category of general crimes. Moreover, most of such cases go unreported and, even when reported, often first information reports [2] are not filed and post-mortems are not conducted.

Caste panchayats have come to play an increasingly important role in Haryana and elsewhere, especially in situations where political patronage also exists. Central to the theme of honor and violence is the subordinate position of girls and women in all castes and communities. A woman’s chastity is the “honor” of the community and she has no sovereign right over her body at any point of her life. The retribution is particularly swift and brutal if she crosses caste and class barriers to choose a lower-caste man as her partner.

Case Study

Location: Ludhiana

Date: 12 January 2005

Ø Four of the five accused, including a retired police Sub-Inspector, in the shocking honour killing of a couple case have confessed to hiring professional killers for the job. They stated that the main accused, Amrik Singh, who was in Australia, had hatched the entire conspiracy and knew the killers, the Sadar police claimed.

Ø The police has also initiated proceedings for deporting the main accused, Amrik Singh, father of one of the victims Amandeep Kaur, from Australia while hoping that he would return on his own and join investigations.

Ø The city police has claimed of taking the help of the Australian Embassy for the purpose even as a lot of loopholes exist in the police investigations conducted so far. The police has not been able to furnish any concrete evidence against the accused other than the complaint of the boy’s family that the relatives of Amandeep Kaur had been threatening the couple for the inter-caste marriage.

Ø The four accused are the killed woman’s maternal grandfather B. S. Randhawa (aged over 70), a retired Development Officer with the LIC, and three uncles (fufars) — one of them a former Punjab Police Sub-Inspector Kulwant Singh, serving Head Constable with Amritsar police Tejinder Singh and Sukhdev Singh.

Ø Addressing a press conference SHO Sadar Sandeep Sharma claimed that the four accused had confessed before the police that the couple — wood trader Harpreet Singh and his wife Amandeep Kaur, a BDS student — was ‘punished’ for marrying outside their castes.

Ø They said Amandeep Kaur had lowered their image in the community by marrying outside the caste. They stated to the police that it took them nearly a year to carry out murders as they had been waiting for an opportune time.

Ø The revelation that two cops, one retired and one serving, were involved in the case has again put the Punjab Police in bad light. Four years ago, the infamous Jassi murder case hatched on similar caste lines also had a serving cop in the list of the accused.

Ø The case now hinges on the return of Amrik Singh from Australia with the arrested persons putting all blame on him and the city police convinced with the statements of the accused as well as the complainants without securing any evidence.

Ø SHO Sandeep Sharma said Kulwant Singh and Sukhdev Singh were arrested from Amritsar while Tejinder Singh and B. S. Randhawa were arrested from the local railway station here when they were trying to flee the city.

Ø The SHO said that the accused had threatened the couple and the boy’s relatives during their ring ceremony in Amritsar and later again at their marriage ceremony in Mariot Hotel in Ludhiana. The couple had got married in a city court about 11 months ago.

Ø After that Amandeep Kaur’s relatives had invited them to their homes and claimed they had accepted the couple. They had then organized formal ring and marriage ceremonies.

Ø Interestingly, the relatives of the accused had been claiming that the police had raided their houses and picked them up and kept them in illegal custody.

Ø The prime accused, Amrik Singh, had pleaded innocence in the case and counter alleged that some relatives of Harpreet Singh were involved in the murder. When asked if the police would register a case against them too as Amrik Singh has also made a statement like the complainants, the SHO said the police would investigate the charges.

Ø Meanwhile, the Additional Chief Judicial Magistrate, Mr G.C. Garg, remanded four accused of infamous couple murder case in one-day police remand.

Ø Amandeep Kaur and her husband. Hardeep Singh, was murdered mercilessly, allegedly by the family members of woman by hatching a conspiracy.

Ø The prosecution sought the police remand for further investigation. The judge remanded the accused.

Conclusion From the above case it is very clear that not only Islamic society but, different societies in India are increasingly facing the problem of honor killing, to which the state authorities like panchayats and police are a party. Thus in such an ailing situation it is very important that such incidents are taken care of properly by the state and also the society. Such crimes can only be eradicated by:

1. Putting very serious penal sanctions.

2. Active police and panchayat body; as these crimes are mainly confined to rural or village areas.

3. Imparting education to the village people at large.

4. Judiciary must be positive on such cases.

Research from around the world point to the fact that violence against women can only be combated if there is a healthy partnership between women’s groups and the state apparatus. While women’s groups must protect their independence, on certain issues they have to work effectively with the criminal justice system, joining forces to protect the rights of women victims. Moreover, law is an important tool but it is one of the many strategies available to us. While fighting for justice through the legal system, we should also try and put in place education policies, health strategies and community level programmes that promote equality between men and women and teach non violent methods of resolving conflict. A multipronged approach to violence against women will result in far reaching changes, transforming attitudes and practices so that men and women can live in equality and dignity.

BibliographyBooks and Articles:

“Jordan Parliament Supports Impunity for Honor Killing,” Washington, DC: Human Rights Watch Press Release, January 2000

Burned Alive: A Victim of the Law of Men Alleged first-person account of a victim of an attempted honor killing (ISBN 0-446-53346-7) The work is based on a repressed memory report and its authenticity has been questioned.

The Varied Contours of Violence Against Women in South Asia; Coomaraswamy, Radhika.

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